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Helping your child return home for university
It’s that time of year again. A time of celebrating the accomplishments of our children as they graduate from secondary school and prepare for their futures. For many this means preparing for the transition to university. Leaving behind the familiar and venturing into the unknown is both exhilarating and frightening for any student. Students however who have been living outside their passport country and plan on returning for their tertiary studies must face an added transition – that of adjusting to the culture in their home country.
These global nomads, or third culture kids (TCKs), as they are sometimes called, are likely to have been back and forth to their home country many times during their overseas experience. They often think they know their home culture well, and can be quite shocked to find that they don’t understand, for example, the nuances of daily living, or the pop culture. Simply trying to answer the question, “Where are you from?” can throw them into a ten-minute dissertation. They grow up overseas answering the question easily by stating the country stamped on their passport, but when they return they may feel like anything but that nationality. They often feel more like an international in the very place they have grown up calling “home.”
Due to a lack of shared experience, these children sometimes have difficulty relating to their home-country peers. The domestic peer has no point of reference for someone who may have lived on several continents during their childhood, who in turn has no point of reference for someone who may have grown up in one place all his life. Their different backgrounds also mean they build relationships quite differently. The often transient lifestyle of expat children forces them to make connections quickly, whereas domestic peers take their time to wait and see if a relationship will develop. Plus, children who grew up overseas can come off as being arrogant when they become impatient with peers who they feel are immature, have a narrow world view, or are ignorant or less concerned about global issues. These relational disconnects can lead to feelings of isolation and depression.
Every first-year university student will face homesickness to some degree, but for the nomad whose family may be an ocean away, this can be profound. Homesickness is a form of grief. If the student’s family relocates or repatriates at the same time the student goes off to university, then that student has lost everything at once. Home-country peers may be on the phone to family three or four times a day, while differences in time zones may only afford the student a weekly call with family – making loneliness a very real issue.
What can parents, teachers, counsellors and schools do to help students make this double transition with success? The following recommendations can help:
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Break down the language barriers
25 Jan 2011
Tina Quick is the founder of International Family Transitions, a consultancy focused on helping individuals, students and families make successful global transitions. Her book, The Global Nomad’s Guide to University Transition is available from Summertime, £15
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